I did it. I opened my computer in order to write a blog. I spent months whispering to myself - "write, you need to write." But, I did not. I was afraid; afraid to be myself, and afraid to be transparent in front of the mass of strangers that might stumble across my blog. My inner thoughts go something like this:
"I'm not okay."
"'They' will judge me"
"People are not ready for me."
These are mind traps that are not fair to me or my audience. And, it is a bunch of B.S.
My partner said it best - "You are so much in your mind that you trap yourself there." It is not just my writing. It is about my life. My writing has only ever reflected my life's journey.
Writing is a part of me. It brings out my creativity, my essence, and my truth. People generally are moved by what I write. I would really like it to be part of my existential experience. If I can get out of my fear enough, I have other more logistical issues that prevent me from writing; namely, I work full-time and want to spend the remainder of my day having quality time with my partners. Finding time for writing is a big problem. But, it is also a necessity in order for me to be more of myself. I guess I need to face these barriers full on and work something out.
The first step is to accept myself and love myself. No more, "I'm not okay." I am okay and I will attract like-minded people if I just focus on writing "me."
Anyway, I hope this blog doesn't sound like I am beating myself in order to break through my wall of fear. Thank you for listening...
