1000Speak: When Love is Light

*Source of Photo: (Source: ibyloving)


When love is light -  it is healing, one cannot help but feel restored.
When love is light - it is forgiving, all that is left is a sense of peace.
When love is light - it is all-encompassing; there is the sense that we are all connected in a way beyond our wildest dreams.
When love is light - it is all-embracing; one feels the warmth and comfort of a loving mothers arms.
When love is light, the Spirit shines brighter than the Sun. And, one sees just how divine and amazing one really is.

Tweet Imagine a world where love is light...because beyond our day-to-day hassles, doubts, and existential angst, it really IS!

Returning to Love...and Letting Go

I finished off the last blog with these questions: am I ready to fully embrace the love in myself and the love in my relationships? Can I unconditionally accept my partners and the way they love?  Am I willing to rise beyond the fear that has kept me stuck? 

First - let me report that my partners and I made up. It was a long night of honest, transparent communication and connecting - but it all worked out in the end. 

In order for me to answer the above questions, I have to admit what - in part - kept me stuck and unable to fully love and open my heart in the first place. It was a previous swinging lifestyle incident that occurred when Hubby and I were still primarily swingers and still very young in that world. The specifics of the event are not that important. In fact, part of what has kept me paralyzed is that I keep retelling the story. I have been doing this for the past three years.  The result was detrimental to me: I closed my heart, became mistrustful of most men, learned to mistrust myself and my partners, and believed I was not worthy of love. I punished myself for a choice I made, believing I betrayed myself. I did not stop to think that I also showed great strength and courage. I did not stop to think that I created firm boundaries after this event and learned many life lessons and things about myself and the types of relationships I desired. Finally,upon repairing from this most recent fight with my partners - I once again, told my partners that this event resurfaced again in my consciousness. It brought emotions up that seemed to overcome me and cause feelings of mistrust toward them. With that, Roo turned to face me and said - in the most compassionate way she could muster, "It is time to let this go! It has been three years!" I doubted whether I could, but I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel anyway. Enough WAS enough! I needed to forgive myself and embrace my partners with authentic love.  It was time to be the light in their lives and NOT the darkness. 

Am I ready to fully embrace the love in myself and the love in my relationship?

Yes! My spirit is light and love and deserves to be bathed in love. As I commit to giving this to myself, I am also committing to giving the gift of love and light to my partners. 

Can I unconditionally accept my partners and the way they love? 
Yes! Their love is open and authentic. They love me, despite our hardships. They see the amazing qualities in me. Sometimes our energy aligns and sometimes it complements each other. One way or the other we fill the other up. Why wouldn't I want to accept my partners unconditionally?

Am I willing to rise beyond the fear that has kept me stuck? 
Although I say yes, this is a hard one for me. Fear has taken a hold of me for so long. But, I have also proven to myself that I can face my fear and rise above them. I just have to connect to divine love instead. I know I can. I am learning to trust this everyday. 

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The Loneliness at the Top Seems to be a Call-out from Spirit

I opened the box of my free "Chicken Soup for the Soul: Think Possible" books. I felt the rumbling in my stomach as I picked one book up and turned to the page of my story. There it was in black and white: my words and my name! After all the accolades and congrats at yesterday's release, this should have been a grand moment. In some ways, it actually was profound as I sat there in silence just staring at the pages of this REAL book! In other ways, an emptiness and sadness washed over me. I felt alone in my quiet celebration.
October 6, 2015 was the release of "Chicken Soup for the Soul: Think Possible." It was also a continuation of a relationship crisis at home. And, I seemed to be the center of the turmoil. My partners did not talk to me all day. When we all finally got home and sat down to talk, a huge storm erupted instead. I admit that I played a part in the storm. But, what I needed more than anything, was acknowledgment, compassion, openness, and wisdom from my partners. When I did not feel these things I reacted with great fear and guardedness. There was no way I could listen to their request of me to come to them with vulnerability and love. To feel those things, you must sense that those things are already being offered to you. Yet, I know that love would be the only path to true resolution.

Let me back up...You have no idea what I am talking about:

I go through this cycle where everything is blissful for a while, but then something happens to cause great doubt. When I feel doubt, I disconnect from my partners. Rather than acknowledges this may be self-induced, I believe they are disconnecting from me. Then, I feel a type of desperation to get back to them. It unfortunately comes out as rage, and I push them farther away.

The sad truth is that what a wrote above is really a story. The more I have reflected on things, the more I've come to see my own fear and guardedness in our relationship. When I become closed off, my partners don't feel valued or appreciated. They do not feel like I am present in their lives. They yearn for me to open my heart and accept all of them. While I describe them as a wall and Judge during the worst moment -they see ME that way. And, my hubby does not have energy to fight for me anymore.

All of this came up again this week. It came up the day before the book release. It made the book release seem like a complete farce! After all, I wrote about how the partnership with Hubby fueled my will and fire to get through university!  I have always had hope, will and determination. But, something about his friendship and belief in me took that determination to a whole other level! How can I promote this story now?!

My Higher Self tells me this is all happening for a reason. This book was released around the same time I attended a meditation workshop to open my heart chakra. Likewise, I attended a "Goddess Circle" meetup that reiterated the idea of leading with my heart. Even my story, itself, seems to be a reminder of how our beautiful relationship supported me (I could say it was all me - but I couldn't have done it without Hubby literally putting me in front of a mirror and saying - "Look how beautiful and talented that girl is. She can do anything she puts her mind to." ). If this were not enough, every where I turn I am reading memes or meeting people who speak of transformation, living your light, and being vulnerable as a way to connect in relationship. The other day, I gasped in excitement as I saw Brene Brown's book, "Daring Greatly." I turned to Hubby and exclaimed that this book was on my wish list. He recently reminded me that he was the one who first sent me Brene Brown's Youtube video on vulnerability  - believing I would appreciate and connect to what she had to say. Obviously, there are many synchronicities going on in my life. Even hubby has screamed out to me, "I am love. I want to love you. Let me in!"

This crisis seems to be the Universe's way of calling me to commit to a great life change: am I ready to fully embrace the love in myself and the love in my relationship? Can I unconditionally accept my partners and the way they love?  Am I willing to rise beyond the fear that has kept me stuck?

I have this great sense that my life depends on answering these questions.

CCS:Think Possible - Launch Day!

Today's the day! "Chicken Soup for the Soul: Think Possible" is out in stores!

If you like the feeling of holding an actual book, Barnes and Noble is carrying the "Chicken Soup..." series. Otherwise, you may buy through Amazon . You may also check The Chicken Soup for the Soul website for more store locations.

If you haven't heard by now, I am a contributor of this amazing new release of the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series. My story is called, "I Believed Despite The Odds!" 

To honor "Launch Day,"[TODAY!}  please join Deborah Norville, coauthor of the book, along with publisher Amy Newmark, for a Twitter party! Deborah will be chatting with us contributors  - including myself - about our stories and about positive thinking.

Here are the details:

Date: Tuesday, October 6^th

Time: 1 PM Eastern time (10 AM Pacific time)

Hashtag; #CSSThinkPossible

What: A tweet chat is a live moderated Twitter event that's focused around a general topic. Our topic is Thinking Possible. To filter all the chatter on Twitter into a single conversation we will be using the hashtag #ThinkPossible, on every tweet.

Share: If you feel inspired to invite your family and friends to participate via Facebook, Twitter and/or Instagram,

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Musings on a Profound Workshop Experience

* I shared this on Facebook a few days ago. It is not so.much as a blog, but some thoughts related to my past weekend attending a healing workshop. It adds some context to the spiritual journey I refer to in my recent blogs.

This weekend I went on a journey of the Self by going back to my family-of-origin. For those in the Seattle area that I did not reach out to, please know I love and miss you. But, my purpose was to connect to a deeper part of me. As such, I spent most of my days at a Yoga/meditation center in Bellevue, WA called "Alive and Shine." My sister works there and encouraged me to attend a workshop facilitated by the owner, an amazing Spiritual Master. I learned a lot, but it wasn't easy. After the workshop, I felt very raw.  Let's just say a lot of stuff came up for me, and I am just glad my family loved me unconditionally, despite some regrettable over-reactions.

It is difficult to convey the essence of my experience. But, here are some things I learned:

We are essentially light and love. But, we have forgotten this. Instead, we let our minds get cluttered with thoughts. Our senses take in too much information from our environment, which is ultimately misinterpreted and wrongly judged by our minds and we feel disconnected and unhappy.
The goal, then, is to find a way to re-center our energies onto opening our hearts and reconnecting to the love and light that is us. Everything is energy. We can move energy around us and affect our very auras. This spiritual Master (through Divine Intervention) was given the "recipe" for centering back to the heart. She taught several techniques/movements to do this. In her workshop, I went through a little resistance. I experience doubt and skepticism. But, as I continued with subsequent yoga classes and meditation classes, it all started to come into alignment.

Then, the day of the Total Lunar Eclipse, I was aware of too many synchronicities. It happened to be a very chaotic day for me (emotionally speaking). That night, we watched the new movie, "Cinderella." I also read the esoteric meaning of the Total Eclipse:

"... On a spiritual level, with the super moon, it is a time to detox the air (your thoughts), water (your emotions), earth (your physical space) and fire (obstacles to living your life with passion). In short, this is a special time to get spiritually stronger and meet the intensity of this moment during the Super Moon." (See my Facebook post on this. I shared an article).

Then, I realized that the teachers at "Alive and Shine," "Cinderella" and my Higher Voice (in trying to self-sooth) were all telling me the same thing:

"You are light and love
You can't go wrong with love
Let yourself believe in magic (you owe it to the child within)
Regardless what happens in life, your true Self will manifest. (If you let your heart be open and you trust your intuition )
Let courage, kindness, compassion,  and gratitude be your guides
               AND...
The magic lives within you. you ARE magic. You are light."

Well, as you can see, I had a profound experience. And, I hope to be kind to my body, heart, and spirit so I can foster a more centered, loving, connected me.

Xox

My Experience at a Goddess Circle Group

The description of the meetup group read, “...Let's spend the evening connecting with the divine beauty, power and love that our souls recognize as truth and learn more about increasing that experience in our everyday lives!”  The group was called “The Goddess Within, “ and October 1, 2015 at 7:30pm would be there very first group ever! Well, if you know anything about me, you know that I was more than excited about attending this meetup. After all, I am Aphrodite Blossoming! Equally, if not more significantly, I had just returned from a healing weekend in Seattle, Washington. While there, I attended a workshop on opening the heart chakra and embodying the love and light that you actually truly are! Suffice to say, I was already in this spiritual, open space when I walked through the door!

I arrived early because I took the bus. I was greeted by the four organizers who looked absolutely radiant in their different dresses and colorful outfits. Radiance permeated from their personalities, too. I knew I was in the right place.

After mingling, we all sat down in a circle and began. We started with a type of cleansing meditation/prayer to let go of all the negative thoughts, hassles, and stressors in our lives and embrace this place and moment as a sacred space. This was followed by another meditation to cleanse the chakras.  We went through each of our chakras and imagined this amazing energy (from each) filling our being. Inwardly, I saw myself as light and beauty. I was hit with mixed emotions: delight at the bliss I was feeling, and sadness that I do not always see myself this way.

The night proceeded with common themed discussions. Some of these included, permitting yourself to engage in self-care, permitting yourself to release your sexuality, and opening up to your inner creativity. We also spoke about the nurturing and embracing qualities of divine femininity. Between each segmented discussion, we got up to dance. The dance was freestyle, and we were encouraged to let go and have fun. No discussion point ever got too serious. Then, we got up to dance!  I loved this aspect. I thanked the facilitator - explaining it allowed me to get out of my head.

I learned some powerful things about myself and my current spiritual journey from this meetup. I learned that my heart is open to receiving, and that my Higher Self is attracting the people I need in my life right now. I am recognizing that it is perfectly acceptable if my path deviates a little from my two partners. Ultimately, they will have more of the authentic, loving me.  Lastly, I learned that my inner struggles will be resolved with time, patience, faith, and love. The more I love myself and live in this world with an aura of bright, loving light surrounding me, the more I attract those people, places, and moments that most align with my spirit and authentic self.  This was the answer to a type of prayer. A few days ago I journaled that I thought my heart had led me astray during certain life moments. It seems that I am on the path to receiving the wisdom and healing I have been seeking. I can’t wait to see what today brings!