“So, we think you’re a pretty special couple. We can’t ignore these feelings and wanted to tell you.” The moon was bright in the sky as it overlooked the quiet beach front. Sitting on a canopy bed on the beach, we were talking with a couple we had met only a week ago. Now, we were at the tail-end of our vacation at Desire Resort in Cancun, Mexico. Still, the events of the past few days had brought us into a type of intoxication. In essence, we were engaged in a very intimate conversation – very close to considering having sex with this couple. The woman responded, “We are very fond of you too. But, you are feeling the excitement of the resort. Maybe it would be best to go home and think about everything you’ve experienced first. Then, we’ll see.”
As I look back at this moment, I first feel absolute gratitude for their decency at not taking advantage of the situation. More importantly, I have one thought: “How DID this happen?!”
Hubby and I had arrived at our 13th anniversary. For the first time, we began to feel a sense of wholeness and connection that had not been present until then. For our 13th anniversary we were both curious about attending a nudist, romantic resort. In 2009, two years earlier, we attended a nudist spa on our Germany vacation. There was something very freeing about walking around naked. We had been wondering about nudist resorts ever since. As such, we did a search on the Internet for such places. Desire Resort was one of the places that came up in our search. Now, we know that Desire is more than just a nudist resort.
Sometimes people have experiences that literally change their perspectives of reality. I describe my experience at Desire Resort as such an experience. For me, it was like walking through a veil – one side was the world of the Matrix, while the other side was the world of Wonderland. In fact, I will plainly let others know that Hubby and I unknowingly fell down the rabbit hole and never quite returned.
What we thought was just a nudist resort, turned out to also be a swinging resort. Then, we knew virtually nothing of swinging or the swinging lifestyle. In looking back, we may not have been aware of the swinging lifestyle, but we always seemed to be creative with sex. We tried different places to have sex, experimented with different positions, and got excited at new experiences. Perhaps, there was always a part of us that was kinky and made for such a lifestyle. Nevertheless, at the time of our vacation, we honestly thought we were going to a nudist romantic getaway where we, the couple, would be able to be romantic with only each other.
Hubby likes to remind me that a few weeks before our trip, they changed their website. In this, more spicy version, Desire introduced their “Sin Room.” In essence, this was a public space in which to have sex – potentially with others. We were both curious about trying it out. I must have intuitively felt this place was a little edgy because I felt slightly nervous. But, I had no frame of reference or a construct to understand this nervousness. Hubby, jokingly admits that he didn’t register the fact that we were about to vacation at a swinger’s resort. Excited, off we went on our trip!
Before we even got to the resort, we met an especially friendly couple. On the shuttle ride over, they engaged us in conversation and joked about the number of suitcases they had. I had wondered why a couple needed so many suitcases to a nudist resort. Later, we learned that the resort held nightly themed events. People would dress up. During the shuttle ride, it was strange to us that this couple would be so friendly. We were used to people being restrained and – at the very least – polite. But, friendly?! That was different. Upon entering Desire Resort in Cancun, Mexico, we were taken by the inviting environment. We went to the registration desk and were asked to put bracelets on. This was to identify that we were guests. Instinctively, we put it on our left ankles. This is significant, as we later learned that a “hot wife” wears an anklet on her left ankle as a symbol. Hubby jokingly said, “We’ve been tagged.” The person at the registration desk said, something to the effect of, “Oh, you’re swingers.” We responded, “Swingers?! What?! No!” We wondered how she got that idea.
Walking outside to get to a room, we saw canopy beds on the grass. We saw lounge chairs scattered around. Some guests were already relaxing in the bright sun – totally nude. I expected this. I also expected a minute to get used to it. We got settled into our room and decided to go to lunch. We were told that there was an outside buffet by the swimming pool. The people eating were clothed while the people by the poolside were completely naked. I think we must’ve decided to join the people at the pool later that afternoon. Mostly, we made observations about this place that seemed different to any other place we had ever been:
When we went up to the hot-tub later on the first evening, not only was it packed, but people were playing sex games (following instructions written on a ping pong ball; giving each other body shots)
The hostess introduced herself to us particularly – almost as if to initiate us in (I think she knew we were newbies)
People seemed more carefree, friendly, and lively.
During the night activities, people dressed very sexily, danced seductively, and had a lot to drink
Perhaps, there was another clue; while chatting with a couple in the hot tub, the girl partner asked me if I wanted to met up with her later. It is important to note that no one in my life had ever flirted with me before then. I didn’t know what had transpired. Not only was this a pass – it was a girl doing the flirting! And, I was married! It took me a few moments for it all to sink in. Hubby had to tell me what actually happened. Suffice to say, I didn’t actually respond to her – without even having a schema to do so. She moved on and I just felt bad when I realized what transpired. And, this was only the first day!
Well, we did find the Sin Room. We played with each other – not at all concerned that there were other couples around us. This was exciting! As bizarre as everything was, the most bizarre thing about our situation was how natural it actually felt to us. We may have been surprised and nervous as new experiences presented themselves, but we faced them with curiosity and intrigue. We were actually thirsty for the experience!
As the week at Desire Resort progressed, we settled into a routine. We woke up at 7:30 for breakfast. After breakfast we lounged at the pool until lunch. Most of the day, we had a drink of some sort in our hand. After lunch we sometimes engaged in water aerobics or some other resort activity. Into the afternoon, we headed off to the hot tube before getting ready for dinner. Finally, we ended the day with a themed event and nightclub. Usually, we went to bed at about 3am . Then, they day repeated itself.
A few days into our stay, I was lying by the pool while Hubby worked out in the gym. A lady I recognized from one of the theme nights approached my lounge chair. She said she recognized me and thought it was incredible that I had so much energy. You see, she saw us about the 2am hour, and here I was up and about in the morning! We began chatting and clicked right away. She introduced me to her husband. Later, Hubby and I would both get to know them better. They also introduced us to their friends who came with them. We landed up going out to dinner several times. We also went on a tour together. Let’s just say we bonded. Early in our discussions, the couple admitted that they were swingers. We politely nodded in acknowledgment but inwardly were thinking “ok, that’s for you – not for us.”
Although our mentality was probably changing all along, our very first erotic massage seemed to really flip the switch. We both love spa treatments. In fact, we make it a point to schedule a spa treatment at every vacation. This was no different. Well, I suppose it was a more spicy version of our tradition. Four hands moved up and down each of our bodies. For me, I couldn’t see the entire time. Unlike other spas where they actually cover you – I was completely exposed! At the very end of the treatment, the massage therapist quietly indicated to Hubby to seductively touch my privates. I had no idea who was actually touching me. I was nervous and excited at the same time. In fact, prior to this moment, I’d never felt such a heightened level of arousal! How erotic! Within a moment of Hubby touching me I opened my eyes. I think I was relieved to see that it was him. We finished off with a very romantic moment in their hot-tub. It was filled with bubbles. Candles lined the tub while the aroma of scented oils filled the air. We landed up having sex but not in the water; rather we did it on the side of the tub.
Since our erotic massage I developed an obsession to give Hubby an experience of complete pleasure and eroticism. He had told me that he hadn’t felt the same sensations or degree of relaxation that I had. As you know, we had already met a couple and their friends with whom we had connected with. By now, we had spent a lot of time with them and really liked them. It dawned on me that maybe they wouldn’t mind “playing” with us. In a brief moment, a notion of requesting a play session began to grow in me. When I brought this up to Hubby, he turned a little pink. I think he felt a little nervous. Nevertheless, he never once came back with an “absolutely not!”
Our vacation progressed. Each night we had a different party with a different theme. We were ill-prepared for this part of our vacation (remember all the suitcases we witnessed from the couple we arrived with?) We had to come up with creative outfits. Sometimes, our friends lent us their more outlandish costumes and outfits for such events. One night, a body artist was working as a vendor at one of the parties. We became his subjects. He painted half a flower on Hubby and the other half of the same flower on me. He said this had never been done before! It was so unique he took a picture of us for one of his brochures! We literally walked around that night like Tweedle-dumb and Tweedle-dee. That was fun and created quite a buzz! During another night, we attended an “Eyes Wide Shut” event. The idea was to use one’s senses to identify different textures, smells, and levels of touch. We were blindfolded. It ended with me touching a bare chested man, and Hubby touching an almost topless woman. From today’s terms, it was quite innocent. At the time, it was nerve-racking and a scene taken out of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show!”
Between our theme nights and socialization, we still found time to go on a tour to the Mayan Ruins at Chichen Itza with a group from the resort. Our friends, along with a few other couples, accompanied us. It was all very interesting. People actually stripped on the boat ride over and settled down on the deck of the boat! No one showed any level of self-consciousness. We had lunch at another Swinger’s Resort, Temptation. It was here that we delved into a conversation I’ll never forget; the girls were asking who at the table was lucky enough to have G-spot orgasms and I proudly raised my hand! Boy, was I young! Yes, I had G-spot orgasms. But, I had not even tapped my potential in this area yet! It was also at this lunch table that a guy sitting next to us said, “You guys are from Seattle. You must know New Horizons.” We responded politely but had no idea what he was talking about! Let me assure you that today we are devoted members of the New Horizons Adult Social Club! While our tour to the ruins was educational and intriguing, it felt rushed. We tried to pack too many activities into one week. In retrospect, we would have made this a day of rest or scheduled it for another time.
Desire Resort definitely changed our lives. We found a community of people much like ourselves. We’ve grown, individually and together, in more ways that I can even begin to talk about. I think that is a book in it of itself. One thing is certain, I wouldn’t change our experiences for anything or anyone. It has brought us to a level of development that I thought couldn’t exist. But, here we are – living examples of how amazing and profound life can really be!
Since this life-altering experience much has changed. After our trip we made a conscious choice to explore the Swinger’s lifestyle. We wanted to belong to a community. More importantly, we wanted to see how others could enhance how primary relationship. You must remember, this was four years ago. Today, we have grown beyond our wildest dreams; we started with swinging, discovered kink, and now live a polyamorous lifestyle. In general, we are just open and excited about new experiences. Hubby and I have definitely grown in different ways. We respect and honor these differences - which could be a subject of a whole other blog post. One way or another, we both had to engage in a lot of personal self work to recognize our personal truths and claim what we most wanted in life and in each other. This kind of stuff is no for the faint of heart - that is for sure! Would I recommend opening up for everybody? No - not if you are not willing to stare into the faces of your own inner demons and work on yourself. On the other hand, it is very worth it if you are willing to expand, work on yourself, and discover a deeper personal truth. At the end of the day, it really depends on you!
Update: On August 6, 2015 we are vacationing in Desire Resort with Roo (she has never gone). It is her birthday present. This will be our third time going back. With the three of us, I'm sure we will experience a whole different, refreshing kind of energy!
