Breathe

I've always heard that "Breath is life" - but until recently I didn't get just how much this was true.  Something happened when I turned 40-years old. It became more important for me to get balanced, healthy, and all-around centered. For some time, my emotions were/are all over the place. And, for some reason, my go-to negative emotion is anger. Counseling didn't help. In fact, it irritated me more! Then, I discovered the combination of yoga, meditation and ecstatic dance (just think of it as creative movement). This changed everything for me. As you can imagine, deep breathing gave me balance and groundedness. I imagined my breath filling my lungs to full capacity  - supporting my body and giving me what I needed to go on. Now, I am grateful for even those moments of angst and confusion; they show me where I get stuck and how I have the capacity to make better choices. My breath gives me life to continually grow; it reminds me that I am a part of the intricate web of all phenomena . This makes me a part of all that is sacred. While I am merely human, and make silly mistakes - I am also part of the divine and can appreciate the breath. Breath gives me life, as well as sustains me with a more Higher sense of compassion. 

Breathing to Combat Anxiety

It is humbling to admit, but I am easily flustered. Little things can provoke me: my inability to articulate myself when I am overly tired; the confusion that comes when there are communication issues in my intimate relationships; feeling not listened to when I have something important to say (usually people tell me I have a quiet voice. They are not ignoring me). In the past, I would let my anxiety get the better of me. I would also take things personally. This only made things worse. Now, I remind myself to focus on my breathing. I take in 1-3 breaths and slowly count them. This gives me the ability to pay attention to my reactions and to make more effective choices. I have improved the practice of deep breathing and lessening my anxiety through meditation and my yoga practice. I am so grateful for embracing these practices at this point in my life. 

Ultimately, I feel more centered. Likewise, my life partners are more appreciative of the calm, centered, and compassionate person that I am becoming. 

There is a line that greatly moved me in a pagan-based song I absolutely love. The song is called "Behold, there is Magic". The verse I love is as follows:

"I am the air, around you. I am the breath of life within you. I am the wind blowing through you. I am all that I am...Behold there is magic all around you. Awaken, rejoice, and sing..."

And, I say...let it be so!

Bring "*Inner Slut" to Work Day

{* my definition of "slut:" - A free-spirited, sexual Goddess who loves sex, owns and feels empowered by her sexual expression, and exudes amazing vitality. }. 

"How did I get into this mess?" I thought, as I laid on the bathroom floor - bare ass in air trying to take out those damn "Fifty Shades..." balls. My inner Critic shook her head in disbelief - "Who, in her right mind, gets herself in this predicament at work of all places?" After bearing witness to my inner Aphrodite during an awesome party weekend, I felt like I unleashed those proverbial flood gates. Gone was the over-controlling, self-conscious, and restrained perfectionist. In her place was a flirtatious, sexy, quirky little fairy who felt free at long last. I delighted in the expression of this part of me. On Monday, I was still on Cloud 9 - reeling over how I let my free-spirit soar in front of my dear friends. That was when I got the idea to wear those ben wa balls I had been keeping in the dark corner of my underwear drawer. Imagine what that might feel like at work. Me, miss professional Volunteer Coordinator with a kinky secret! I laughed inwardly, imagining the scenario. Monday came and went. I was still thinking about it on Tuesday morning as I got ready for work. "Oh, what the hell, " I thought - as I grabbed the balls and threw them in my yoga bag. I had planned to attend my gentle yoga class after work. My hubby awoke before I left. Upon leaving, I playfully announced that I would be wearing the ben wa balls at some point in the day. He looked at me like I was nuts. I playfully and "innocently" responded, "What?" Then hubby made me promise I would let him know when I put them inside me. I was quite aroused just thinking about it! "Ok," I said.

Suffice to say, I got to work and immediately put them in. Usually quiet and self-conscious, I found myself smiling and greeting my co-workers with an air of delight. I was present, awake, and ready to have an awesome day. I was personable, happy, and confident. These qualities may be second nature for some people. But, I usually feel buried by all my self-doubt and fear of being judged to convey these qualities. So, I was delighted to bare witness to this part of me. Finally,at 11:15am, I started to feel pressure build up in my pelvis area. I thought, "time to take these things out." I went to the unisex single bathroom and locked the door. Reaching inside of me, I tried to take out my kinky balls. "Uh Oh..."I thought. "Why can't I feel the string to pull them out?" After a few minutes of trying, I gave up. I went back to my shared office and tried to act nonchalant. Then it dawned on me that I may have to go to an urgent care clinic to get them out. I imagined the embarrassment written on my face as I described, to the nursing assistant, the reason for my clinic visit. Even so, I thought that it was close enough to lunch to do this. I made the excuse that I was not feeling well and would take an early lunch. Then, I actually walked to the bus stop to wait for the next bus. After a minute of waiting, I realized I would not have time for this. Walk-ins could take all day. People at work would be wondering where I was. “Damn.” I headed back to the office.

Back at the office, I tried again to take the damn balls out. This time, I laid on the bathroom floor, thinking it would give me a better angle. It did not help. I even grabbed a plastic spoon from the kitchen in an attempt to dislodge its location. After fiddling around in my beautiful “flower”, I feared that I'd injure myself more and gave up on the idea. I proceeded to eat lunch, finally, and I texted my hubby about my predicament.

Here are the texts: 

Me: "Um...Problem. Was feel like you were banging me in butterfly (pressure). So I tried to take the balls out. Can't find the string to pull them out. And they are really far back. What to do?! Damn. Can't be good having them in all day."

Tue, 11:28 AM



You may go to the bathroom and stand and jump to see if it's loosens.

Then just use your finger to see if you can grab an end.


Me: Imagine this scene. Me laying on the floor of the bathroom reaching all the way past my vajayjay to try and grab on to it - with no budging. What did I get myself into? Tried using a plastic spoon to move it or scoop it up. That was probably playing with fire. It did not help anyway. This sounds like a kinky SNL skit. Go ahead...laugh.



lol….


When I revealed the situation to Miss Roo, this was her responseL

To



….To which I responded - “I was waiting for you to burst out laughing!!”


Well, I went through the whole work day with the ben wa balls inside me. No one at work was clued in at all. As you may have imagined, I did not make it to yoga. If I went to yoga, I would only get home by 10:30pm.  My body would hate me if I did that. Upon arriving home, hubby exclaimed - “Time to do some surgery…” Much to my disappointment (my inner slut really liked the idea of making this a kink scene ) he was all business-like as he managed to fish them out - successfully, I might add. He admitted that they were quite deeply lodged. I was relieved when my pelvis got a chance to breath again!
All three of us ended the night with a dinner date followed by sexy time. It was a long day and we all landed up going to bed by 10:30pm! 

But, I’ll never forgot the day I had the crazy notion of wearing ben wa balls to work! The day Mandy touched her inner Goddess, was more herself, and learned to laugh at her craziness!/

Monday Inspirational Quote

 - "1000 Inspirational Quotes for Women"

Have an awesome day!!

See other inspirational quotes for women HERE!

Monday Inspirational Quote

“Life isn’t meant to be lived perfectly…but merely to be LIVED. Boldly, wildly, beautifully, uncertainly, imperfectly, magically LIVED.” 
― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

Grounding & Other Lessons from My Yoga Class

Yoga is not just about doing a series of poses. Among other things, it is about your relationship to the Earth - aka - ground below your feet. The more grounded you feel, the more you feel supported - the more you get in alignment and really feel the pose.

Ever since I started actively working on being grounded, I have noticed that I become more responsive over reactive, more mindful, more compassionate, and more about to recognize the positive intent of others. Don't get me wrong, this is a process. When you've spent your whole life being reactive and anxious, it takes a lot of practice and self-belief to get the gronding thing down. I do my best to celebrate my little successes. I have also worked on being less judgmental of myself. This, too, takes practice.
Another pose that is associated with grounding, among other things is Mountain pose. In fact, as my yoga instructor constantly reminds us, "Mountain pose exists within every pose you do."  Mountain pose is all about opening, aligning and grounding. This is not just wisdom for your body, it relates to your mind and spirit, too. In fact, it could be seen as your philosophy of life. To the unaware bystander, Mountain pose is just standing up. What is so amazing about that?  In reality, it is so much more. One is asked to pay attention to one's feet, making sure that one's feet are grounded and firm. "Feel all four corners of your feet," my instructor says. Next, one is asked to focus on enlongating the spine, while making sure shoulders are lowered. Finally, one imagines one's back of one's neck lengthening as one looks ahead with a slight lowering of the chin.
When I do this pose, I feel my body opening, releasing tension, and aligning. Afterwards, I even walk more straight. My gait from my cerebral palsy seems to go away for a while.
On an esoteric level, I feel more wise, open (as in I welcome the things around me ), and more trusting. I see how my body supports me, and I cannot help but feel grateful.

Here is just some of the wisdom I've learned from doing yoga and grounding exercises. It is quite enlightening, indeed:

1) The most important thing is one's breath
2) One is precious and deserves to feel connected, grounded, and supported with every breath.
3) One is not supposed to feel pain; if one feels pain continue at a lighter level
4) One only can measure oneself against oneself. The minute one compares oneself to others, one has lost the whole point.
5) Physical, mental, and spiritual well-being can only be found when one makes it a practice. One's practice is completely unique and honored.
6) Movement is not the only thing that is important; rest is also necessary for balance and health
7) It is important to connect to, and open your heart space.
8) Release any need to judge oneself or others; and, accept where you are in the present moment
9) Pay attention to the wisdom of the body; recognize the body as a vehicle that makes life possible.
10) Genuinely thank yourself for taking time to focus on you
11) Recognize the Light that lives within you, and honor the Light you see in others.

Monday Inspirational Quote

It is Monday! Hope this quote jumpstarts your awesome week!

A NEW V-Log!

In this singing V-log, I sing "Somewhere," from "Westside Story."

The Singing Moment I Reclaimed

During our Indepence Day vacation in Napa Valley, my Loves and I attended a karaoke restaurant and bar. From the onset, things felt off; my partners, usually karaoke enthusiasts, we're not feeling it. The table behind us was compromised of 50+ something year olds who were obviously there to party; they were loud and fun-spirited. They sounded like regulars. Again, we usually enjoy this type of energy. But, it seemed to turn us off. Still, I insisted on singing after our dinner of burgers and fries. My lovely partners were nice enough to wait for my song to come up before leaving. I was so excited about singing this particular song. It was Barbra Streisand’s version of “Somewhere” - the song from “Westside Story.”  For those of you who don't know me, I am an avid Streisand fan. I grew up with all her music. I always felt like she sang from a real, beautiful place. Before I heard the stories of her being the ultimate diva (negative connotation), I thought she was an angel from heaven. She certainly had an angelic voice.
Sadly, most of the time I am embarrassed to admit I like Barbra Streisand. I have this,perhaps, distorted belief, that people will judge me harshly if I sing one of her songs at a karaoke bar. Afraid of any drunken snickers, I’ve spent years refraining from singing Streisand ballads. That is - until this night in Napa. My inner advocate called me out; “your Loves sing the songs that they love? Why shouldn’t you. Honor yourself, your spirit, and your voice!”
So, on this night in Napa, I responded to my inner advocate with a resounding “Yes. I’ll do it!”  It was going to be my moment in the limelight. I was ready! Well, so I thought…
When I finally got up to sing, the instrumental music playing did nothing to help me find the key of the song. I searched desperately for that first, magical note, and it did not come. The KJ was kind enough to restart the music. But, it did not help. “You can’t hear the key he said. “Um, no kidding,” I wanted to scream back at him. I was so embarrassed. I can sing this song in my sleep! What on earth was wrong with me?!  That wasn’t nearly as embarrassing as what happened next; the voice resounded over the speaker to everyone in the restaurant. “Aw, so sad, Mandy couldn't find the key.” And, that was it. My Barbra Streisand singing debut was over. I walked back to my table with my head down. Both my partners were in shock. “You are not singing! This was the reason we stayed. What happened?” Suffice to say, they sounded disappointed. We left after that. The night progressed in a different way. I put my singing dreams to bed for a while.
I got my chance to make a come-back last week. We were back home. We went to our favorite karaoke bar to 1) say goodbye to our friend (their cook) who was moving out of State, 2) to have some fun singing at our favorite karaoke bar!

Courageously, I requested to sing “Somewhere.”
I had not realized, until then, that this was more than just a song to me; I wanted to reclaim the moment and reconnect to my Spirit. When it was my turn to sing, I whispered to Hubby, “just sing me the first couple of words. I could not hear it last time.” He nodded. I got up. The music started. Once again, I struggled to hear that first note. But, Hubby and a guy standing by me were singing. They helped a lot. Then, something amazing happened; I closed my eyes and found myself transported into a different place. I was not just singing; I BECAME the music. I took another deep breath and sang like I’ve never sung before. I filled the room with a strong, power voice. No more did I care what others might think. I was singing for me. I heard Hubby whisper to wifey - “ Man when that girl has confidence…”
As the last note resounded, I was aware of an amazing feeling; it was like any tension in my body evaporated. It was like feeling peace and fulfillment, the feeling you might get after honoring yourself and seeing your dreams come true. I felt this physically and spiritually. The sensation stayed with me all night and  the whole week that followed. It was a gift to myself.
As you can see by this story, I am 1) I am very hard on myself, 2) get overly concerned by others potential judgments, and 3) don’t always honor myself. Since our wifey has entered our lives, these quirks of mine have really gotten under her skin. She loves me and only ever wants me to relax and have fun. Hubby echoes the same sentiments. I have improved a lot in this area. I think my Loves have a lot to do with that. But, it was difficult growing up in an artistic, musical family where everyone seemed to strive for perfection. I could not just be silly and mediocre. I don’t think my family intended to teach that perfection equaled love. They always encouraged me to sing because it was my gift. That said, kids are great observers. They learn what they see.
Quirks aside, I loved reclaiming my singing moment. I loved the feeling of being proud of myself - not to mention hearing everyone's applause. I loved performing, knowing I was completely present. I loved that my Loves were there to cheer me on and bear witness to my confidence. I will remember this moment always. It will remind me to show up for myself and follow my heart.