Returning to Love...and Letting Go

I finished off the last blog with these questions: am I ready to fully embrace the love in myself and the love in my relationships? Can I unconditionally accept my partners and the way they love?  Am I willing to rise beyond the fear that has kept me stuck? 

First - let me report that my partners and I made up. It was a long night of honest, transparent communication and connecting - but it all worked out in the end. 

In order for me to answer the above questions, I have to admit what - in part - kept me stuck and unable to fully love and open my heart in the first place. It was a previous swinging lifestyle incident that occurred when Hubby and I were still primarily swingers and still very young in that world. The specifics of the event are not that important. In fact, part of what has kept me paralyzed is that I keep retelling the story. I have been doing this for the past three years.  The result was detrimental to me: I closed my heart, became mistrustful of most men, learned to mistrust myself and my partners, and believed I was not worthy of love. I punished myself for a choice I made, believing I betrayed myself. I did not stop to think that I also showed great strength and courage. I did not stop to think that I created firm boundaries after this event and learned many life lessons and things about myself and the types of relationships I desired. Finally,upon repairing from this most recent fight with my partners - I once again, told my partners that this event resurfaced again in my consciousness. It brought emotions up that seemed to overcome me and cause feelings of mistrust toward them. With that, Roo turned to face me and said - in the most compassionate way she could muster, "It is time to let this go! It has been three years!" I doubted whether I could, but I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel anyway. Enough WAS enough! I needed to forgive myself and embrace my partners with authentic love.  It was time to be the light in their lives and NOT the darkness. 

Am I ready to fully embrace the love in myself and the love in my relationship?

Yes! My spirit is light and love and deserves to be bathed in love. As I commit to giving this to myself, I am also committing to giving the gift of love and light to my partners. 

Can I unconditionally accept my partners and the way they love? 
Yes! Their love is open and authentic. They love me, despite our hardships. They see the amazing qualities in me. Sometimes our energy aligns and sometimes it complements each other. One way or the other we fill the other up. Why wouldn't I want to accept my partners unconditionally?

Am I willing to rise beyond the fear that has kept me stuck? 
Although I say yes, this is a hard one for me. Fear has taken a hold of me for so long. But, I have also proven to myself that I can face my fear and rise above them. I just have to connect to divine love instead. I know I can. I am learning to trust this everyday. 

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