An Aphrodite Story

"Your heart beats faster, you struggle to breathe. In one moment a

feeling of intense eroticism overtakes your being. Gone is your sense

of logic and rationality. Operating from your senses only, a stream of

excitement builds from the root of your body and works itself higher.

You have no control. Intoxication overtakes you. That's all you know.

That's all that exists. That - The present moment of ecstasy."

-The way I described an experience of seduction

There are two things I've learned about myself over the years: 1) I have a "healthy sexuality, and 2) much of my most profound writing has occurred during my menstrual cycle. In fact, many have written about women's intuition and Higher connection to the Divine Feminine during their moon cycles. So, this makes sense. Here is something I wrote several moons ago during my period. It greatly relates to the core of this blog!

My Reflection (between 2011 & 2012)

1. A couple of nights ago, I was at an adult social club with my husband.  Due to my period, I lacked energy and couldn’t register the things that others were saying in my social group.  I felt disconnected and out of place.  It was a very unsettling feeling indeed.  Sitting out as I witnessed others on the dance floor, a young, vivacious girl took my hand and led me out to dance with her. I obliged. While still tired, she brought out of me this very free-flowing, young, feminine energy. I imagined myself as a 6-year-old child skipping and leaping across a grassy field with the sun shining up above – butterflies fluttering their beautiful wings right beside me. When the music stopped, I graciously thanked her.  My husband was close by, and we began to dance to the next song. More connected now, I put my head on his chest and felt the warmth of his body as we floated in our space on the dance floor. This, nevertheless, was just the beginning: a little while later, we made love with each other. I felt tremendous reverence coming from my husband as we engaged in foreplay. I was connected to my spiritual Self, and he knew it.  I exuded great sexuality and sensuality, as I felt every sensation.  The excitement grew exponentially in me until I exploded with great ecstasy. It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. I had discovered the Aphrodite within me.  I was sharing this part of myself with him.  
2. I came home after the incident above and broke out in a fight with my husband. He had said something to me that felt unsupportive and insensitive. Unable to even process my anger, I went to sleep. Before long, I thought my husband had come back in the room. I saw this image of this beautiful woman with long, blonde hair before me.  Then, she changed.  It was just me. I felt someone pull my hair and begin to seduce my naked body.  I was so horny.  I wanted more. How could I be angry and sexually aroused at the same time?  It was very confusing. I soon opened my eyes and realized I had just had a very vivid erotic dream. But, nothing ever felt more real.  It took me several minutes to be certain that I WAS dreaming.  

This was obviously a moment of great insight and growth for both of us. I was tapping into the sexual goddess within me. But, I was also having to learn how to communicate with my partner about what was going on with me. I still held a lot of guilt and shame from my sex-negative upbringing. It took another two years and a lot more self work to shed the toxic messages of shame associated with embracing my sexuality and openness. My hubby, too, had to undo a lot of negative messages from his past. He had to also recognize and accept my growing openness and sexual expression.

One way or the other, we were both on a journey that would lead us to greater personal truth, amazing love, and profound experiences.