A Letter to my Pink Rose

Note: [I wrote this a while ago and didn't post. But, I could've written it today. The words still hold so true]. 

What can I say...When I think of you singing THAT (songs like "Stay" or "Fight Song")  karaoke song that represents the softest place of your heart, I just melt. It is in this moment that I have the greatest love for you. I see the deepest part of you and am grateful that you feel safe enough sharing it with me.

It seems that we live through our relationship growth on karaoke night, among other things.

After sharing your soul with me, we engage in a dance. The music is sexy and full of fire. I get my groove on with you, and cannot help but give you "THE LOOK" - you know, the one that says, "You're my HOT woman!"  You cannot help but smile and experience the thrill. Our shared Honey looks on with joy and gratitude. I live for this moment and many others like it. In my times of doubt, it gives me solace.

We love each other and seem to be growing in love with each day. But, sometimes I make you feel unsafe. You feel threatened when I get into that crazy cycle that compels me to control myself and the environment around me. It is the worst when I take your words and actions personally and then try to overcompensate to avoid guilt, shame, and a sense that I'm unworthy. Recently, I bore witness to a deeper dark side within me - a side of myself that easily falls into a state of jealousy. Then, I judge myself and others. judgment. I remember once reading a book that instructed us to embrace our dark side by seeing the positive meaning behind the dark behavior. I realized that my jealousy is about me trying to get needs met that are not always being filled.  Still, it is not something I am proud of - it doesn't make it right. The truth is that the three of us chose to live within an alternative relationship. We are a triad - through and through. It is not without its challenges. But, it also not without its bliss. If we are to really make this work, we each have to own our demons and reach out with pure love.

I know that you see my heart. I know - because you melt at my soft stroke of your back or my sweet kiss on the way out the door. My loving Self embodies light, inclusiveness, safety, warmth, and tenderness. I love the idea of holding a sacred space and embracing my loves with the purest of intentions. I love bearing witness to your own bliss - recognizing that it is often expressed when you share an intimate moment with our Hubby. I'm forever striving to stay true to myself, as well as offer opportunities that close the circle (the circle being our threesome connection).  If I'm to be perfectly honest, it is my hope to share more 1:1 time with you, too.

Ultimately, I'm traveling this journey with you towards greater closeness and trust. I'm learning what not to do, and I'm learning what supports, honors, and respects you. I am grateful for this. Anything I learn with you can easily be transferred to my relationship with our Sexy Man. In the mean time, I thank you for believing in me. I thank you for your love and your faith. And, I believe in our connection and inevitable growth.

Blessed Be,
Mands