I read an awesome blog entitled. “This is What Sex Positive Parenting Really Looks Like.” The author, a mother, discusses how she addressed her young child when she touched her privates at the dinner table. She chose not to shame her child. Rather, she normalized touching oneself but clarified that there is a time and place. In the article, she mentions that all kids touch themselves. A lot of the time, it has nothing to do with sex. It is just a high degree of curiosity over one’s little body. In any event, I was happy to learn that this parent honors her child’s curiosity, talks honestly about sex (at the appropriate developmental level), and cultivates an environment where it ok to ask questions about such matters. I’m sure many of you out there are affirming to your children – trying to find the right words to discuss sexuality. All things considered, we still feel the backlash of an “abstinence only” conservative philosophy as it relates to sex and sex education.
I don’t propose to be the expert on how to talk to children and teens about sex (although, I’d love to claim this). I, however, believe that it is vitally important to expand our thinking and communication around sexuality. Sex is a normal, acceptable part of being human. Although the intention to have sex can be centered around procreation and/or love-making, these are not the only reasons people engage in sexual activity. Sometimes, people want to be with themselves. Sometimes, both men and women just want to experience pleasure. They just want to release all that stress (quite literally). Sadly, all too often, children are raised on a foundation of shame and fear. Subsequently, they grow up to feel ashamed about their bodies and sexual needs.
In writing about this, I am reminded that I only embraced my sexuality much later in life. You could say I was very shielded from the topic. My parents, God bless them, listened to the professionals who told them that their daughter with Cerebral Palsy wouldn’t understand this whole new world of sexuality. Better to protect her. I didn’t even know how to put a tampon in me during my period (where was the “hole?” [now, I know the vagina is actually a space]; ) I most certainly didn’t know that a man’s penis would fit nicely in that space one day. Only when I started dating my boyfriend – now Hubby – did I learn about my sensual body. We grew together. Now, of course, I call myself a love goddess! I guess you could say that the story ended well. Truthfully, the process of learning – in this case, about one’ sexuality – never really ends. That said, I wished I had adults in my early years who would just give it to me straight (no offense, Mom and Dad). Us people with disabilities have sexual needs too, you know! We can handle it!
Given my history, you can see why I am an advocate of sex-positive parenting. In the article referenced, I really like what the author had to say about setting the foundation for healthy sexuality. She spoke about discussing boundaries, choices, and context with her children. She spoke about discussing the sense of personal space and safety with her children. Ultimately, laying the groundwork is giving her the confidence that her children will one day make decisions based on good instincts, a developed intuition, and the sense of their own personal truths. As time goes by, I hope that this framework of sex positive parenting can become more accepted and adopted on a grander scale.
I don’t propose to be the expert on how to talk to children and teens about sex (although, I’d love to claim this). I, however, believe that it is vitally important to expand our thinking and communication around sexuality. Sex is a normal, acceptable part of being human. Although the intention to have sex can be centered around procreation and/or love-making, these are not the only reasons people engage in sexual activity. Sometimes, people want to be with themselves. Sometimes, both men and women just want to experience pleasure. They just want to release all that stress (quite literally). Sadly, all too often, children are raised on a foundation of shame and fear. Subsequently, they grow up to feel ashamed about their bodies and sexual needs.
In writing about this, I am reminded that I only embraced my sexuality much later in life. You could say I was very shielded from the topic. My parents, God bless them, listened to the professionals who told them that their daughter with Cerebral Palsy wouldn’t understand this whole new world of sexuality. Better to protect her. I didn’t even know how to put a tampon in me during my period (where was the “hole?” [now, I know the vagina is actually a space]; ) I most certainly didn’t know that a man’s penis would fit nicely in that space one day. Only when I started dating my boyfriend – now Hubby – did I learn about my sensual body. We grew together. Now, of course, I call myself a love goddess! I guess you could say that the story ended well. Truthfully, the process of learning – in this case, about one’ sexuality – never really ends. That said, I wished I had adults in my early years who would just give it to me straight (no offense, Mom and Dad). Us people with disabilities have sexual needs too, you know! We can handle it!
Given my history, you can see why I am an advocate of sex-positive parenting. In the article referenced, I really like what the author had to say about setting the foundation for healthy sexuality. She spoke about discussing boundaries, choices, and context with her children. She spoke about discussing the sense of personal space and safety with her children. Ultimately, laying the groundwork is giving her the confidence that her children will one day make decisions based on good instincts, a developed intuition, and the sense of their own personal truths. As time goes by, I hope that this framework of sex positive parenting can become more accepted and adopted on a grander scale.
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